the adventures of picassi.

Monday, 21 July 2014

when you've been living in italy for too long.

1. Coffee, every meal, everyday. Maybe with the exception of breakfast… of course not.

And in this case, coffee isn't just any ordinary cup of coffee, it's espresso. A strong, tiny sip of espresso in those beyond tiny little cups they hand out in Italian cafes. You have a big cup of "normal" coffee for breakfast, an espresso after your pranzo and another espresso after cena. You get used to being asked for a coffee at the meal of your main course in which you would naturally, somehow say, "un/due caffeè" or how many you need. And then it just becomes part of your everyday must-drinks to get you through the long day. You can't live without coffee.

2. Speaking of meals, you just automatically ask for the house wine during lunch.

Then you get all these looks from the strangers, "who drinks at this hour?"

3. Dinner is at 9pm.

The days are long in Italy, particularly when it comes to the summer, when the sun only sets at 9 every night. With the sun out for that long, you would naturally stay out longer and most likely sleep later because it probably feels awfully strange to be sleeping with that bright blazing sun still shining through your windows. I know when I was there, dinner every night was practically at 9 or 10 so you wouldn't end up being hungry like you would if you had eaten at 6pm.

4. Adding olio di oliva to everything. Oh and don't forget the sale (salt).

One thing I've picked up from cooking is that you add olive oil to pretty much everything. You can add it to your pasta while it's boiling in the pot, you can add it to your bread in the morning together with the alceto balsamico and you can even add it to your salad, again don't forget the alceto balsamico! And salt, equally important.

5. Grosso and fine sale.

Two different kinds of salt which you would never take notice of because it's only a word difference on them damn salt packets. I've made the horrible mistake of making salads, for two, using the grosso sale when there's already smoked salmon in there, you can imagine the outcome. It was like eating a salad that had been drowned in the ocean. Not pleasant.

6. Forget air conditioning, you've got to learn with a barely workable fan in the blazing summer.

You develop these rather amazing heat resistant bodies after awhile. Really. When you're forced to stay indoors, outdoors, it makes no difference, wherever, where it's 33 degrees and you've got a fan that hardly works unless you're about 5cm away from it, you learn to slowly, very slowly, get used to the heat. After awhile, sweating while seated down on the couch is normal. Feeling warm and trying to sleep at night is already a blessing because things could be a lot worse, you could be sweating so much, and feeling so hot that it makes it unbearable and impossible to sleep. Yes, I've been there too. And if ever you're lucky enough and a roommate somehow magically gets his hands on a functioning air conditioning, it's no longer just an air conditioning anymore. It's feels like god's gift from heaven and you guard that magical cooling machine with your life. No one touches, or spoils it.

7. Organization? It doesn't exist.

I don't think there's much to say about this one, it's pretty self explanatory and all those living in Italy would understand perfectly what I mean.

8. It's normal for things to move slow.

So the bank tells you it'll take 2 weeks for your new bank card to arrive. Wrong, what they are trying to say is, "if for some odd magical reason things have moved at the speed of light, you'll get your bank card in 2 weeks otherwise, expect it to arrive a least probably, well, a month later? Maybe? Two months?" Always, always leave about a half of the estimated time extra because that's how long things usually take. Another example? I sent a parcel from London and I was told a tracked and signed for parcel would take 3-5 days to get there. Wonderful… Not. It took 3-5 days to get to Milan, and it stayed there, "your parcel is being processed it's on it's way" for the next 2 whole damn weeks.

9. Ice cream (or as the italians call them, gelatos) are a perfectly good reason to go out.

It's normal to just take a little walk down to the nearest gelato store to pick up a nice refreshment particularly in summer. You don't have to wait till after a meal to get it as a dessert, you can if you wish but it's perfectly fine too if you and your friends just wish to meet up outside that cool gelato store just for a little snack in the afternoon.

10. You don't need a proper reason to go anywhere. Really.

If you feel bored in the apartment, well then, just ring up a few people and head out. The idea is there doesn't have to be a fixed plan or destination, you will all just meet up and then decide then what to do and go. You don't need to go out to town because you need to buy new clothes but rather just to take a little walk on a nice sunny afternoon. I remember getting Skype calls from my parents back home, "So you're headed out now? Where are you going? What are your plans for today?" Simple answer, "I don't know, we'll see when we get there. We'll be spontaneous". It's all about the spontaneity, just taking a wonder around the place.

11. It's fine to sit in the park and do nothing.

That's all that you see when the weather's perfect, say during the spring/summer period between March to May. When the sun's out shining but it's just about 25 degrees, it's perfect weather to go sit in a park. Sure you can bring a book to read, or a ball to play in the fields but you don't have to do anything, you can be like the locals, sit, lie or sleep (heck i've napped for 3 hours!) on the grass and just forget everything for that moment. You just lie there, and watch time and the day go by and feel absolutely wonderful. It's what they call having no plans.

12. You become a very patient and emotional person, both at the same time.

When things aren't going right (which for most of the time, it probably will), you get frustrated and what's even more frustrating is when you can't communicate properly to get that point across. I've had the customer service of a telephone company hang up on me because I was asking for help regarding my SIM card and all of them non parlo inglese. Moments like that, when you really feel like just punching a hole right through that wall in your room, or tracking down those idiots and demanding a proper response. But after awhile, you slowly realise things are going to be like that, it's not going to change much and you'll just have to be patient. Very, very patient.

13. Pizzahut and other pizza chains used to be your favourites, not anymore.

They simply don't measure up to the authentic italian pizzas you've had in Italy. What is with all this stuffed, processed cheese in the crust, and all this awful pastey sauces. It's far from that amazing to-die-for crudo pizza you had in Italy.

14. You're disappointed by the ice cream flavours they have in your country.

In Italy, there were all sorts of gelato flavours imaginable from chocolate, pesca, menta to panna cotta, tiramisu, riso, vela merde, zuppa inglese (still haven't figured out what that is till now) and if you're lucky to find one, mojito and many many more. Hundreds. But back here, at least in Hong Kong, all I see is, "chocolate, vanilla, strawberry". And when you're no longer as excited about Ben and Jerry's as you were before, you know it's bad.

15. You're still living in the european timezone after being back in Asia for 6 weeks.

Yep, my day runs from 2pm to 3am everyday.

Labels: milan

lol'd, 06:52

Thursday, 17 July 2014

what I've learnt from my 3.5 months abroad in italy.

Independence. You're pretty much on your own in a foreign country and chances are, they probably don't speak much english. I've learnt that the day I landed in Milan when a piece of paper with the address of my hostel written on, was what got me to the destination. Imagine having to find a phone store to get a SIM card and almost every person you ask on the street non parla inglese. After awhile you realise that you're going to have to take care of yourself and figure out things on your own, like how to work that coffee vending machine down in the lobby or that printing system in the library that's in italian.

Culinary skills. Being in Italy, it's important to be able to cook half decent food, not the 5 minute "i'll chuck it in the microwave and mix it" type. I have to admit, being around an Italian, particularly one that loves his food, you definitely pick up some proper cooking tips like how pasta's meant to be added into the pot after the water's boiling, or adding a touch of olive oil and salt with it. And who knew lemon juice, sugar and strawberries could be such an amazing dessert?

Patience. You'd know what I mean if you've been to Italy. You can't rush things, things are always in shambles, or delayed. You just have to learn to accept it and deal with it. People pass days by sitting in a park on a nice sunny afternoon and doing absolutely nothing but lying on the grass for a couple of hours. Or sit at a coffee shop sipping on a drink for the entire afternoon, or waiting till the bank reopens again at 3 after the lunch break which seemed like forever. And I'm glad, really, because I've changed, I no longer complain about long waits in queues or a parcel taking forever to arrive, though really sometimes it does get rather ridiculous. And that's because what I've learnt from Italy is that there is no point in complaining, it's best to just wait patiently.

You never have enough time. There will always be more and more things you wish to do, places you wish to go and see but reality is, there will never be enough time for it all. In the beginning I always thought 3.5 months away would be the longest time of my life but when you're out there, alone, enjoying and experiencing everything, it starts to feel like you've only been there for 3.5 weeks.

Budgeting. Living in another country can be very, very expensive and no matter how much you try and budget out how much you would need before the trip, you always end up underestimating the costs. Everything requires money - accommodation, travel, food, parties, shopping, university supplies and other odd things. Soon enough you'll start to realise you would have to compromise on some areas to make some breathing room for others. An example, I sacrificed money for nicer food and shopping to give myself a bigger allowance to travel more. And even that was not enough. Without a proper strict budget, you'll find yourself living off bananas for dinner each night in no time. Yes, I've been there.

Acceptance and Tolerance. You're in a new country, you're experiencing a new culture. Sure, there will be problems, the annoying language barriers, or crazy operating hours of some stores, or restaurants shutting after 3pm in Italy (what?!) but you learn to be accepting and tolerating of another country's culture. Sure it's frustrating when you can't get your point across because they don't speak english but then you'll attempt to use what limited italian vocabulary you have to try and get them to understand what you mean. Capito, si?

Social Skills. I was by far, the most extreme kind of introvert before Italy. I never went to parties, I would never even think of going to them. I would spend the friday nights and weekends locked in my room, on the internet or watching a movie in bed. I did not even go out once during my fresher's week, I stayed in, alone. When you're in another country, you meet so many new people and you're forced to be in some very new and possibly uncomfortable situations of having to introduce yourself or talk to other people you've never met in your life. Yes the first few might be daunting but after awhile, you get comfortable and before you know it, you'll realise that it wasn't all that bad after all. Not saying that you would completely turn into some overly extroverted social butterfly but at least you'll discover that it's alright to start a conversation with a random person and that parties or odd night outs are great to meet new people and form new connections.

YOLO. As much as I hate that term, you can't and shouldn't take life so seriously. You're on exchange for gods sake, live a little! Go out, have fun on a friday and saturday night, meet new people and form new memories. You have the opportunity of a lifetime, being on exchange means you don't have to take university too seriously, you can afford to do all those things you said you wanted to but never had the time for, you can afford to miss out on that early morning class because you're so drunk and hungover from the night before (though do this wisely and carefully). I mean, the number of times I've booked return flights and trains from a weekend trip to get back on a monday morning and head straight out to university after a whole night of no sleep, it's crazy but it's all part of living life to the fullest. You've basically been let loose, go wild and make it the best time of your life.

You see the world differently. With all these new experiences, meeting all these new people, you learn so much more. You have the advantage of living and experiencing what it's like to be both a tourist and somewhat, temporary resident in that country. All the things that happen to you during those few months will change you and make you think differently to someone who's never left their country. Definitely.

Alcohol and clubbing, your best friend and worst enemy. First time I've been to a club and had 2 shots over the counter, I was certain I loved it and would be back. 2 weeks later, I was out 3 times a week, each night partying till 4, 5 am the next morning. Yes it's great fun, it's fun being tipsy, it's fun dancing the night away and it's fun getting a little drunk with your friends. Alcohol's like your best friend, everything becomes much happier and easier with it. But then comes the morning after, when you struggle to get out of bed and function normally at university, or when you realise you've blown your entire 50 euros in one night or worse, spent close to over a hundred euros a week just on clubs or when every saturday and sunday morning practically feels like death on a stick. Not the happiest of moments now aye.

Coffee is amazing. I used to hate coffee, so so much. However, coffee in Italy is absolutely, amazing. You have a small strong espresso after every meal and sure, the first few you say you'd give it a pass but after awhile, you decide to give it a go and then it starts to grow on you. Then you come back home and realise you can't function properly in the morning without having a coffee first thing in the morning. I've turned into a little of a caffeine addict now, there are days where I would end up having 3 to 4 different coffees to keep me going.

Strange, unexpected things happen. They can be for better or for worse. If you end up lucky like me, it ends up being one of the best, craziest unexpected things that will happen to you while in another country. Summer romance turned LDR, possible long term relationship/perfect other half perhaps?

Always a first for everything! I think I've done too many "firsts" that I've lost count. First drink, first drunk night (and many more after), first club, first kiss, first crazy road trip, first fresh oyster? When you're in that "i'm willing to try anything" mood, you'll end up with a crazy long list of "firsts" too.

Money isn't everything. When you've hit the lowest of low like I did, living off bananas and instant noodles, you'll realise what I mean. As much as you hate eating crap, you're still genuinely happy because you're having the time of your life. You're spending all the money on going out, travelling and making new memories that you will never forget, feelings that cannot be bought with money. And sure it sucks to be watching your spendings every minute (hey, even that 1 cent difference counts when you're buying food at the supermarket!), but you learn to make things work and somehow you just go on each day, still happy. You worry about not making next month's rent, or not having enough money for next month's phone top up or food but somehow, you still do. Magic.

The erasmus exchange will the best thing that's ever happened to you. Honestly, no joke. People I've spoken to have told me, "It's the one thing you will remember for life, you will always miss your exchange once you're finished with it. It's the best thing ever" and I can confirm the accuracy of that statement. You will always wish to go back and do it all over again, you'll never forget the time there, the people you meet, things you've done and most importantly, the memories you've collected, they will be with you forever.

Labels: milan, travel

lol'd, 09:23

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear"

- Oscar Wilde

Two months, all it took was two months. I was never the one to believe that such things could happen, maybe in dreams, but not in reality. I never thought I would get this attached. I never thought I would be this happy, and sad. I never thought that saying goodbye would be this hard. And I never, ever, thought that summer could feel this long, like eternity.

It was like routine, every morning the alarm would go off at 8am and there we both were, my head resting so comfortably on your chest with your arm wrapped around me. Both of us knew, after all, it was routine, you would put the alarm on snooze for another 15 minutes. The alarm would go off for the second time, you would slowly move yourself out of the bed so as not to wake me even though I knew, every morning. I felt you move, and your kiss on my forehead every morning. No matter how tired I was or how late you were for work, we never failed to wish each other a wonderful day, and seal it off with a morning kiss.

I never say it, but after you leave, I lay in your bed, on your tiny pillow, snuggled in that tiny blanket you never intended on sharing with anyone, thinking how happy and lucky I am to wake up every morning next to my favourite person in the world.

Because of you, I started taking showers in the morning instead of the night, I actually saw some point (and actually enjoyed) making the bed, I did not mind doing laundry at all, or learning how to cook properly instead of chucking food into the microwave. All the boring, normal things you would do everyday suddenly seemed so much more exciting. Food shopping for dinner became something I looked forward to because that means a few hours after that, we would be cooking dinner together again, even though it would be the same salad and same tuna or speck pasta, it did not matter. Surprising you with your favourite beer in the freezer never failed to make me smile, or when you have the biggest smile on your face upon seeing a clean, tidy room when you return from work. I don't think I could ever forget that look on your face, when you walked through the doors right after your weekly football game and into the kitchen to realise that dinner was all ready. The happiness I saw on your face made all the two hours of preparation work and fumbles in the kitchen worth it.

Everything seemed so natural, there are no numbers in our relationship. We don't know our anniversary dates because we just somehow, skipped past dating and ended up living together. We both knew how lucky we both were. We both knew how much time I had and that things would have to come a (temporary) end soon yet you told me, "don't worry about that, we will make the best out of the time we have".

We did everything together, we never fought once and everything just seemed to fall into place perfectly. We talked, laughed, drank, got drunk, cuddled and on the odd weekends and weekday afternoons, laid on the couch or watched the sun set from your balcony and did absolutely nothing, yet it was absolutely amazing. Things got so comfortable that sometimes we did not even need to say anything and it was fine, as you would call them, "comfortable silences".

I always loved it when we had our movie nights in bed, not because of the movie but because it felt so comfortable and safe, to have your arms around me, pulling me close to you, feeling your breath on my skin and your heart beating. And you knew that whenever that was the case, I would fall asleep in 5 minutes yet you still did not mind all the trouble of getting the laptop set up in bed, or perhaps watching the first 5 minutes of Fight Club with me three times over because each time, I fell asleep so comfortably in your arms.

There were three favourites times of my days. The mornings when I wake up, comfortably snuggled up next to you, greeting you with a kiss followed by a "good morning". The late afternoons when you return home from work, both of us with the biggest smiles on our face as I leap for a hug and kiss because we are so happy to see each other again and, the nights when we both head to bed together knowing we will have another great night and waking up to a great morning the next day.

Who could forget our spontaneous weekend trips to all the different places, the weekend getaways that brought us so much closer. You made me realise how to live life, how to live each day as if it was your last, to not worry about anything but then. And that it's alright to not have fixed plans, to be spontaneous. It's alright to end up sleeping at 4 in the morning after a night trip around Rome. It's alright to wake up at 2pm the next day and start the day from there. It's alright not to have plans. It's alright to get a little drunk because you will always be there to take care of me. It's alright to get lost once in awhile because you will always somehow, magically get us back eventually. It's alright to stay out at night, having a couple of beers with friends in a park because your presence makes me feel safe. It's alright to meet new people and to be in new situations because you will always make me feel included. And of course, it's more than alright to end up wearing the same clothes for two days in a row, or to wake up looking like an absolute mess with no make up on because regardless, you always tell me, "you look beautiful", even on my roughest days.

I remember the first time it dawned on me when I had to leave in two days, when I could no longer hold in the emotions. When I had completely let my walls down and you into a place I have never revealed to anyone before, my soul. When we stood at the balcony with you holding me so tightly, kissing the tears away from my face and telling me "everything is going to be alright". I knew then, that this goodbye was going to hurt, so much.

14 June 2014, 1:30pm. Even though we had woken up from a very drunk morning, it was unfortunate I was still sober enough to realise that the day I've always dreaded had arrived. We both knew, yet we did nothing and said nothing. I just cried while your arms wrapped around me, my body pressed against yours so tightly as if you were trying to say "don't go".

Saying goodbye at the airport was one of the toughest things I had to do. It was like saying goodbye to a half of myself, saying goodbye to home and my life. Before Milan, I never knew where home was, or what home felt like. With you, I felt like I was at home for 2 very short months. With you, I had fully lived and experienced life. With you, I had never been more happy.

I still remember your words from that afternoon, words that keep me going each day, "you are not going home but just going away on a 2 month vacation, we will see each other soon again". Even as I am writing at this very minute, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. The distance makes it so hard but every time you call or drop me a message I wake up to in the morning, it makes me smile like an idiot. You tell me about how your day went, what you have done, what you had for lunch and what your plans are for the rest of the day. It's almost as if we were back in Milan, like any other normal day when you come back from work. Every Skype session is a bittersweet moment because I'm so happy to see you but at the same time it reminds me of how far away I am, and how much I miss you.

I miss your touch. I miss how you used to kiss me on the lips repeatedly. I miss your smile. I miss your smell. I miss falling asleep in your arms, or on your chest. I miss our movie nights. I miss cooking dinner together with you. I miss how everyday when you walk through the front door after a day of work, you immediately wake me up from my nap with kisses. I miss our lazy mornings where we lied in bed and did nothing, as if we had forever. I miss how you could lift me up with one arm and make me feel like the luckiest and happiest person in the world. I miss our morning showers in the small, cramped bathroom. I miss you coming up behind me and hugging me so tight, like you'd never let go. I miss watching the sunset, pink and blue skies with you from the balcony. I miss our food shopping sessions at the supermarket. I miss your voice and you telling me "I'm happy to be with you". I miss you calling me your baby turtle. I miss our spontaneous weekend getaways. I miss the nights when we just lie in bed and talk about everything and anything. I miss living with you. I miss borrowing your clothes when mine are in the wash. I miss the odd evening that always ends with me getting drunk and you carrying me home. I miss the little things you do that make me so happy like surprising me with a new brand of peach tea. I miss everything to do with you. I miss all the time we have spent together. I miss being truly, truly happy.

Ich vermisse dich so sehr.

So much that it hurts, everyday. So much that I find myself sometimes waking up in the morning feeling empty, so much that everything around me reminds me of us. So much that I've cried so much, like never before in my life.

It's so hard. I try to keep myself as busy as I can, maybe it's because I just want to keep my mind off things but really, it's because so that each day will go by quicker. It's so hard that I can't even express the feelings in words. It's like a constant reminder everyday of something you want so much yet you can't have. The truth is, it never gets better. Each day I miss you more and more. The only change is that after awhile, I learn to cope with it. I will have to wake up knowing that you will not magically appear by my side and that it's okay. I can get through each day, I can get back into my normal routine of things. It's not the end of the world, even though it might feel like it.

Like you always tell me, everything will be alright. I'm only on a short 2 month vacation and we will see each other again in September. And when I'm back in London, we'll only be an hour's flight apart. Everything in summer is temporary. As soon as the summer is over, we will see each other again. I yearn for September so much, for it to come quicker. For that day, when I board the plane and walk out of those gates to leap into your arms. It's going to feel like Milan all over again, the amazing indescribable, happy feeling inside me, like nothing else in the world matters because I'm back with you.

It's true when they say the distance tests what we have. I've never expected myself to miss someone this much. I've never expected myself to think about someone so much it drives me crazy. I've never expected to feel this way about someone. I've never expected that I would even end up meeting you in Milan, at a friend's party which I did not even plan on going to but am so happy I did. I've never expected for 2 months to change me this much, or for someone to change me this much. You. You have opened my eyes to so many things, so many things I never realised I was missing out on before meeting you. And lastly, I've never expected myself to end up falling this much for you.

Sometimes I think, should I be happy that I've had such an amazing 2 months with you or should I wish that it didn't happen because now summer feels like a slow painful death that drags on, slower and slower each day. I suppose I should be happy because you made me see life, live life and most importantly, I have no regrets meeting you. Deciding to go for that party was the best decision I have made in my life.

I cannot wait till that amazing moment, which will make this all worth it because it'll feel like I'm falling in love with you all over again. And because I know that it's the end of what will be our longest time apart. And because I know, that we have both survived the summer.

lol'd, 02:34

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

the (post) italy experience II.

Excuse the rant but I just figured I needed to get this out somehow before I lose my sanity.

26 days, it has been since I've been back in Hong Kong and not one has gotten any better. I'm barely recovering from my severe withdrawal symptoms. For the most part, I think I've handled the past 3 weeks shockingly well and they've actually gone by fairly quick, but then comes the odd days like today where you wake up feeling beyond shit.

You wake up feeling empty, like something's missing. It's been like that each day but for some reason on these odd days, those feelings are so, so much stronger. There's only one thing you think about, one thing on your mind and for the entire day, as hard as you try to keep yourself busy and distracted, it does not go away. Maybe for a couple hours but it returns, and hits you even stronger than before.

If I could, I'd book that crazy cheap, $7,931 flight out at the end of this month.

Who knew missing someone would be this fucking awful. In a crazy sense, I'm almost somewhat, happy that these strong feelings are there because it would make everything seem so much more certain, certain that you are with the right person and I know, that when september comes round, when I finally walk through those gates in the arrival hall, it'd be the happiest day ever yet this does not mean that the time from now till then is fucking easy.

It's not even about the exciting weekend travels anymore, it's just the simple things. Seeing you everyday. Making dinner together, going to bed and waking up together, cuddling. Sleeping in so late on the weekends and doing absolutely nothing but having the best weekend ever. Every morning I wake up, wanting to turn back time. That feeling, of wanting something so much yet you can't have it. It does not help going through each day with little reminders of italy and the time there all around, everywhere I look. Be it gelato, or just certain situations, or objects.

I am quite certain I've said this before but honestly, there are no words to describe it. This is by far, the worst thing I have ever had to deal with emotionally. It's so hard. Nothing that I could ever imagine. Funny that I used to think people were crazy, crazy for crying about someone, or constantly saying how much they miss them or anything else, whatever. And there I was, just thinking, that's absolutely crazy. Get a grip people and here I am now, losing a hang of everything, going through one of those days. Those days where everything seems so much harder, waking up in bed alone, trying to get through the day quickly so that it will come to an end and another day's gone and one day closer to september, only looking forward to the Skype call at the odd night hours because of the ridiculous time difference, missing someone so much you can barely do anything properly without thinking of them.

I don't know how else I can describe the feeling but it's painful.

And I hate this.

I hate having these days. I'm never even an emotional person, ever yet after italy, I'm now just trying to put on this normal, brave face everyday, as if everything's fine. And there are days where things do go fine, sure I still have those "I miss you" feelings but at least they are well under control, and somewhat on a bearable scale of a 3 out of 10. But then come days like today, where as much as I was quite happy this morning due to the results from last night's match, I still ended up with the crazy overwhelming shit feelings, almost unbearable, I'd give it an 8.

I miss you so, so much words can't express it.

I've been told it's good to have this feeling because then you know, for real, how certain you are about someone and how much you're willing to go through for someone. And I guess it is true. It's just been 3 weeks and I feel like the life has been sucked out of me, I'm not living each day, I'm just surviving. It's going to sound absolutely crazy, and I may sound like an absolutely overbearing, overly attached crazy girlfriend to some now but you wouldn't understand unless you've met someone that special. If I could, if I really really could, I would book the next flight out and just leave.

You've made me realise what life is, and made me look at what I've been doing for the past 2 years so differently. Sure, I was working my ass off at uni, doing what I thought I am absolutely passionate about which I still am, but after italy, you've made me realise that there's more to life than grades, trying to be the best of the class, you've taught me how to live life and the true meaning of living life.

I want to wake up every morning, not knowing what the plans are.

I want to just be spontaneous everyday and do what I feel like doing at whatever time.

And even though it's going to be tough (financially), things will somehow work out in the end.

I want to live each day for itself, as if it was the last and not worry about what plans are for the next.

I just want to be truly, truly happy each day like I was back in italy, when all that was needed for me to be happy was to see you happy.

When even the boring sunday mornings where we laid in bed and did nothing, felt like the most amazing weekend ever.

6000 miles, 6 hours time difference and so far, each day isn't getting any better. Maybe on the outside, I'm no longer bawling my eyes out at least but I doubt the feelings have changed much since 3 weeks ago.

I suppose, the only things that might have changed is how much more certain I am of things. And how much harder it actually is, but september's keeping me going. When I get off that plane, through the gates and hopefully, spend the 2 weeks together before heading back to reality. And I suppose if things do work out, this would probably, hopefully, be the last time I'd have to spend 3 months apart.

So I guess that marks the end of my rant for today.

I miss you, so, fucking much.

So, fucking much I wish there were words to describe it.

lol'd, 08:40